Music

Achtung

I try, you won't
I ask, you close
I know you can't breathe
And I tried, but I can't set you free

I said I'd go it alone
I said we'd be better off
I said I only could hope
That these wounds would wash off
And when the dust settles back to Earth...

I lie to the world, to you, to me
I pretend that we were more than we could be
I know that you're not meant for me
But there's a part of me that can't help but to believe

I said I'd go it alone
I said we'd be better off
I said I only could hope
That these wounds would wash off
And when the dust settles back to Earth...

I gave you what I had
I gave you more than I should
I gave you what you asked for
Even when I knew it'd do no good

 

Anchors

I'm sick and tired of losing sleep
Holding my breath waiting for some dream
It's just enough to make me believe
With longer arms it'd be in my reach

I know you're fraying at the seams
Treading water, losing steam
Hold on tight, or else release
Everything you hope to achieve

But like an anchor that's suspended
Upside down and out of place
When I least expect it
I'll find my place

Nothing's ever as it seems
An open chasm lies between
What you say and what you think
What you say and what you think

And people say that anything
Worth pursuing isn't free
I'm losing peace of mind and sleep
For empty rooms and no guarantees

But like an anchor that's suspended
Upside down and out of place
When I least expect it
I'll find my place

 

Bend or Break

When a lot is close to nothing and a little is too much
You run the risk of burning out or fading out of touch
It takes a lot to recognize the signs before they fall
If you're too late, you'll find yourself with nothing at all

Don't let it bend, don't let it break
The walls that hold this barricade tremble under the weight
Sometimes it takes a lot at stake
To learn we either bend or break

There's a lot of things I'd say to you if I thought you'd understand
I didn't mean to scare you when I tried to hold your hand
I found myself waiting for you
Somehow I didn't realize that you never asked me too

Don't let it bend, don't let it break
The walls that hold this barricade tremble under the weight
Sometimes it takes a lot at stake
To learn we either bend or break

And if someday you find that what your heart needs is mine
You can call, you know I'll pick up anytime
But I can't spend the next five years sitting by the phone to wait
It took a while, but now I know- if I can't learn to bend, I'll break

Don't let it bend, don't let it break
The walls that hold this barricade tremble under the weight
Sometimes it takes a lot at stake
To learn we either bend or break

 

Best Times

Empty walls and neon halls and tripping in the streets
With all the sheep that never sleep
I find myself wishing for you but I’ll chide myself for missing you
We both know where this road is headed to

Tattoos, hats, mugs shaped like cats, and even counting all of that
I still feel so damn empty I could die
Staring out my windowpanes, contemplating everything
Is introspection valuable or is it merely vain?

And they said these would be the best times of our lives
These would be the things that we’d define ourselves by
These would be the best times of our lives
Everything from here is all decline
This I deny

Maybe I’m contrarian but I don’t like this life you’ve plannedThe next 4 decades of my life are not a waste of time
There’s a lot of things I want to do
Some things I haven’t gotten to
These things, they don’t expire the day I turn 22

And then they say, concurrently
They sell the very thing I need
To find my place in life: “It all starts with a degree”
Well there’s a whole wide world waiting for me
And I won’t wait until I see some stupid piece of paper before I start to live my dreams

And they said these would be the best times of our lives
These would be the things that we’d define ourselves by
These would be the best times of our lives
Everything from here is all decline
This I deny

 

Cautionary Tale

Like everything big, this started small
Six months later you decided to call
I told you before, I would pick up the phone
I don't have it in me to leave you alone

I don't know yet how this story ends
But I'm not sure we were built to be just friends

This feels like the start of a cautionary tale
And I know the reasons this failed before are real
But they all combust when I'm around you
I don't trust myself around you

There were too many times
I would stay up at night
Working through your riddles til the sky got light
Playing out the same mistakes that I can't forget

I know now, how this story ends
And I'm not sure I can live through this again

This feels like the start of a cautionary tale
And I know the reasons this failed before are real
But they all combust when I'm around you
I don't trust myself around you

When I said I didn't give a damn who shared your bed
I lied, I lied, I lied, I lied

This feels like the start of a cautionary tale
And I know the reasons this failed before are real
But they all combust when I'm around you
I don't trust myself around you

 

Good Life

All my life I've chased the dream
I've scratched and scraped and given up sleep
To do what I love every day
But how many people did I run over on the way?

God knows I've made some people cry
I've broken hearts, both theirs and mine
When you must prioritize someone's needs
Does enough regret erase my past misdeeds?

What does it mean to live?
What does it mean to live the good life?
What does it mean to live a good life?
And who decides?

I strive, I try, to treat people gently
I know everyone's playing the hand they've been dealt
But when push comes to shove, in life and in love, the person I protect is myself

What does it mean to live?
What does it mean to live the good life?
What does it mean to live a good life?
And who decides?

Cruelty isn't limited
To malice and intention
Inattention, carelessness
Often carry the same consequence

 

Love Is A Choice

I saw lights inside your eyes
And then I realized they were streetlights
A single glass of wine
Abandoned on the counter, melting ice

All the ugly things we say, just to pass around the hurt
I thought it was getting better, it was only getting worse

Love is a choice you make every day
A late night text to make sure you're okay
You can lie to yourself with your plastic excuses
But love was a choice that you quit choosing

The way you used to watch me
Before the fire faded from your eyes
You knew exactly how you hurt me
When every word you said felt like goodbye

All the ugly things we said, just to pass around the hurt
I thought it had gotten better, it had only gotten worse

Love is a choice you make every day
A late night text to make sure you're okay
You can lie to yourself with your plastic excuses
But love was a choice that you quit choosing

Origami Stars

A picket fence surrounds the backyard of my mind
Worn and weathered, still it stands, a testament of time
Once covered in wisteria, those waterfalls of flowers
Have gone the way of silk airplanes, payphones, and Dwight D. Eisenhower

I’ve never felt as sure as I did about you
I knew I’d follow you, whatever life you’d choose
Just ‘cause I believed it, that didn’t make it true
When you’d had enough, there was nothing I could do

I’ve got 147 origami stars,
6 handmade guitar picks, and infinite hours
I’ve got letters and paintings and love-struck haikus
Just tell me, what am I supposed to do with all these pieces of you?

I did my best to treat you right, I promise you I cared
When you left for better company, you left me unprepared
The situation put your back against the wall
It's nobody’s fault, but we’ll both take the fall

I’ve got 147 origami stars,
6 handmade guitar picks, and infinite hours
I’ve got letters and paintings and love-struck haikus
Just tell me, what am I supposed to do with all these pieces of you?

 

Passing Through

I'm not a sailor and I'm not a saint
No map in the world will keep me from losing my way
You're not a symbol, you're more than a name
You'd trade a cross for passion, and passion for fame

Your neon smile and your runaway eyes
Well, I've got the bottle, if you've got the time
There's more than ideas swimming black through my mind
We could get lost together and fade into white

But hey you, I've gotta know
Are you here to stay or just passing through?
Don't leave me hanging, let me know
Are you here to stay or just passing through?

But people leave and people fight and people lose and people die
Just like everybody else
Turn the page, begin again, there's something new around the bend
A new pair of eyes, a new kind of shine

But hey you, I've gotta know
Are you here to stay or just passing through?
Don't leave me hanging, let me know
Are you here to stay or just passing through?

Well I ain't been to heaven but I know it tastes like you
I'd walk there on the sidewalk if you wanted me to
The way you talk, the way you laugh, it screams of you, an autograph
Da da da, da da da da

But hey you, I've gotta know
Are you here to stay or just passing through?
Don't leave me hanging, let me know
Are you here to stay or just passing through?

Pennie Lane

She’s my Pennie Lane
Scattered flowers in the pouring rain
The songs I sing, the dreams I dream
She’s the only thing that’s home to me

She looks like fire when she’s pulling from the inside
Her eyes like lightning when she’s shaking on the outside
I want to see what she can do

I want to see her when she’s pressed against the breaking point
Pushing against me like she thinks she’ll find what she destroyed
I want to see her lose control

She’s my Pennie Lane
Crooked smile, made up name
The songs I sing, the dreams I dream
She’s the only thing that’s home to me

She’s like a racehorse running loose on a highway
She’s more than I can handle even on the best of days
She’s worth any price I pay

I want to be there everyday, whether it’s good or bad
I want to see her find the strength she didn’t know she had
I want to be the one that stays

She’s my Pennie Lane
Dancing barefoot on an empty stage
The songs I sing, the dreams I dream
She’s the only thing that’s home to me

She’s my Pennie Lane
Leather jacket, cheap champagne
The songs I sing, the dreams I dream
She’s the only thing that’s home to me

 

Piece By Piece

Everybody wants a souvenir
And you know that the stage lights strip you bare
Everybody wants something they can keep
So they tear you apart piece by piece

I don't want to know
I don't want to see
I don't want to do anything that requires me to think

It feels like everybody needs something
And I just want to find some peace
Quiet, stillness, solitude, enough time to do what I want to do

Everybody wants a souvenir
And you know that the stage lights strip you bare
Everybody wants something they can keep
So they tear you apart piece by piece

I don't know what I want
I don't know what I need
This isn't anything like I thought it would be

I've been pulled apart and run aground
There's not enough of me to go around
It's like some kind of cosmic joke, playing out in stereo

Everybody wants a souvenir
And you know that the stage lights strip you bare
Everybody wants something they can keep
So they tear you apart piece by piece

 

Postscript

Are you better than everybody else, everybody else, are you better?
Are you better than everybody else, everybody else, are you better
Better than yourself?
Better than yourself, everybody else, everybody
Better than yourself? Better than yourself?

 

Road Ahead

Looking back I'd swear it was a dream
Some cooked up, fucked up backwards nightmare
Where everything I knew and half of what I think
Contorted, distorted, it twisted and turned and then it dissolved

I just want to lose my mind
To let go and spin out and never have to face what I left behind
Your mind is on fire but so is the world and you want to escape but where on Earth would you go?
Every single day is some paradoxical mind-numbing mashup of boring and terrible

But you can't close your eyes and try to turn off reality
The landscape has changed
You can't hold onto what you thought your whole life would be
So lift up your head
And steel yourself to face the road ahead

I, I just want to know the end
To cut out the middle and skip ahead
I want to wake up when this whole thing is over and my life has worked out just the way that I want it to
If you could skip all the stress and uncertainty, would you give up all the days that fell casualty?
And when the dust settles back to Earth...

But you can't close your eyes and try to turn off reality
The landscape has changed
You can't hold onto what you thought your whole life would be
So lift up your head
And steel yourself to face the road ahead

 

Steps

Scuffed shoes, wasted views, lonely in a crowd of two
Restless nights, time it right, maybe I can sleep tonight
Late fees, daydreams, my mind is running out on me
Carbon black, paper white, look the same in different light

Don’t know which way the winds are blowing
Miles from here to where I’m going
Biding time until it all makes sense
The longest road starts with taking steps

Bushwhacked, back track, race ahead, circle back
Second try, gambler’s high, wilting under painted skies
Best guess, stress test, hope I’m making progress
Speed it up or hit the brakes, can’t slow down, it’s way too late

Don’t know which way the winds are blowing
Miles from here to where I’m going
Biding time until it all makes sense
The longest road starts with taking steps

Maybe in a year I’ll find I’m somewhere new
Maybe I’ll stay a while, or maybe I’m just passing through

Don’t know which way the winds are blowing
Miles from here to where I’m going
Biding time until it all makes sense
The longest road starts with taking steps

 

Worst That Could Happen

"What's the worst that could happen?" she said to me
Just before the night caught fire
"Don't you know that you won't know if you don't try?" she smiled
Took my hand and led me out to sea/see

It's something more and kind of less
Than lost in space, under duress
The finish line got turned around and took away the old way out
Everything is spinning and I'm standing still

Night sky like a sunrise, sunshine like rain
Watch the world behind a windowpane
"Don't you know that you won't catch what you don't chase?" she claimed
But her voice inside my head was far away

This is how the world unwinds
With creeping isolation, endless time
Words are hard to come by and the truth is hard to find
So do the things that make you feel alive

 

Used to Be

She said, “You’re no good for me; I’ll never be the person that you want me to be”
He said, “I’m no good for you; I never do the things that I know I’m supposed to do”
They left the room and parted ways; the things that could have happened
Well, I guess we’ll never know what would have happened if they’d stayed

The sky was black and he looked back; she didn’t turn around
He gave up hope, he walked home haunted by the sound of used-to- be’s
Haunted by the sound of used-to-be’s

What used to be, used to be, used to be, what could have been, maybe
What used to be, used to be, will never be again, again

Somewhere, in another world, she didn’t walk away
They could be wed, they could be dead- we’ll never know, she didn’t stay
Now he’s working in a hotel bar just to pay the rent
She’s chasing home, sleeping alone, she had her chances, now they’re spent
On used-to-be’s, her chances all were spent on used-to-be’s

What used to be, used to be, used to be, what could have been, maybe
What used to be, used to be, will never be again, again

Time, it passed, and he moved on, and now he’s living well
He took a job in San Francisco; started over, found a girl
She’s tacking up her picket fence a million miles away
She’s really very comfortable, she doesn’t think about
What used to be, doesn’t think about what used to be

What used to be, used to be, used to be, what could have been, maybe
What used to be, used to be, will never be again

What used to be, used to be, used to be, what could have been, maybe
What used to be, used to be, will never be again, again